How to Write a Eulogy: A Gentle Step-by-Step Guide

To write a eulogy, gather memories before you write a word, then build them into a simple shape — an opening, a short life thread, two or three true stories, what they leave with us, and a brief closing. A eulogy does not need to be polished or clever. It needs to be true.

Being asked to give a eulogy is an honour and a weight at the same time. You want to do them justice, you are tired and grieving, and the blank page feels enormous. What follows is a gentle, ordered way through it, so you can write something honest without carrying the whole thing in your head at once.

Where do you start when writing a eulogy?

Before you try to write a single sentence, give yourself ten quiet minutes and a notebook. Write down anything that comes — small moments, a phrase they always said, the way they made coffee, a story the family tells over and over. Do not judge any of it yet. Call one or two people who knew them differently than you did: a sibling, an old friend, a colleague. Ask them for one memory. You will hear things that surprise you, and often the truest line in a eulogy comes from somebody else's story.

You are not looking for a complete life. You are looking for the handful of things that, put together, sound unmistakably like them.

What is a simple structure for a eulogy?

Most eulogies that land well follow a quiet shape. You do not have to use all of it, but it gives you something to lean on:

• An opening — who you are and your relationship to them. A single sentence is plenty.
• A short life thread — where they were from, the shape of their life, the people and work that mattered. Keep it light; this is not a biography.
• The heart — two or three stories or qualities that show who they really were. This is the part people remember.
• What they leave with us — a lesson, a phrase, a way of being that the room can carry home.
• A closing — a few words spoken to them, or a short reading.

If you would rather see the whole order of the service laid out around your part, our Funeral Order of Service Insert gives you a single editable page that shows where the eulogy sits among the readings and prayers, so nothing feels rushed on the day.

Write to one person

The most common mistake is writing to the whole room. Instead, picture one person who loved them and write as if you are telling them a story over a kitchen table. Use ordinary words. Let the sentences be short. If a memory makes you smile, keep it — gentle humour is welcome and often a relief. Read it aloud as you go; your ear will catch what your eye misses, and you will hear where you are reaching for words that are not yours.

Aim for somewhere between three and five minutes spoken, which is roughly 500 to 800 words. Shorter and heartfelt beats longer and thorough every time.

How do you get through delivering it?

You may cry. That is not a failure; it tells the room how much this person mattered. A few things help. Print the eulogy in a large font with generous spacing so you can find your place if your eyes blur. Mark a breath with a slash where you know a line will be difficult. Keep a glass of water nearby. And ask one trusted person to be ready to step in and finish reading if you cannot — simply knowing they are there usually means you will not need them.

Let it be enough

When you have a draft, set it down and walk away for an hour. Come back and read it once more for truth, not polish. Cut anything that sounds like it belongs to a stranger. Keep anything that makes you ache or smile. That is the eulogy.

When the words are settled, it helps to have the rest of the day held gently around them — a printed program in everyone's hands, a guestbook by the door, a keepsake to take home. You will find calm, editable templates for all of that in our shop, with companion pieces on what to include in a funeral program and funeral program wording examples when you are ready for the next step.